THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
