Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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