Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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