is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Sober January is a disaster.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
So much Jack, so little girl.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
