: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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