I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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