Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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