i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Well I just put wine in my tea
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
