I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
