70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
