i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
