I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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