Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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