I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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