I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
