Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
it's like iHOP with fire
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
