Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
