if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
