i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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