So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
