I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
