when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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