Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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