This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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