I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
