You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Randomize
