There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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