turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Use "feeling words"
Yay
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
