I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
