I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
