I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
