fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
