It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
