It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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