good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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