you're like a bully in the Christmas story
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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