Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
