I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
