It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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