At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
