so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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