Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
