Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
