it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
