This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
