Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
