the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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