is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
