U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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