you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
