I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
