just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
