woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
